Just 'cause it's better than a third eye...

Yesterday was one of the worst and toughest days of my career. And despite your early morning hearing in Bataan today, you succumbed to my feminine wiles (or more appropriately, my pag-iinarte) and drove all the way from Marikina to Taguig last night to listen to me bawl about my frustrations, booboos, and anxieties. You quietly sat in the driver's seat and gently stroked circles on my hand and knee to soothe me while I literally sobbed like a pre-schooler who did not get the toy she wanted. You drove to a semi-deserted coffee place where we sat outside, ate comfort carbs, and drank hot and iced chocolate.

Then you drove me back to the office and told me you love me.

And I knew that amidst everything that seems to be going wrong, at least I got something right when I said "Attraversiamo" to you 7 and a half months ago. I also knew that other people can drive me crazy, but with you I'll always find the way to peace, comfort, and joy. At the very least, you'll drive me there.

And for all that, I love you.

So it's been about 2 years since I checked in. I highly doubt that I will be able to revive the frequency of my entries, and really, I have no intention of updating the world about the developments in my life. This blog has never been about the things that have been happening to me, anyway. It's mostly about my thoughts, and in any case, this is the only place now where I can write with relative anonymity.

I have been tinkering with the thought of removing my former boyfriend from my list of friends on Facebook. We have had zero communication since my birthday, which was 9 months ago. Towards the end of whatever relationship we had when we weren't boyfriend-girlfriend anymore, I would not say that we had a friendship. It was more like that part of your mind between sleep and wakefulness when you refuse to believe you're conscious and hang on to the last scenes of your dream for dear life.

I distinctly recall that my last text message to him contained the word goodbye. In other words, we're not friends anymore.

I have been analyzing why I haven't deleted him sooner. At first, it was because I still wanted to be updated on stuff that's going on in his life. I would say that that timeline went from about this time last year until late last year, when I found out (also through Facebook), that he's in a relationship. Of course, at that time, my relationship with Atty. P (my "answered prayer" and *crossing fingers* my future Mr. Fourth Eye) was also blossoming. But I guess, to be bluntly honest, I was curious to find out whether it could be said that my former boyfriend is happy without me in his life (I AM his first love, after all).

Almost eight months into my relationship with Atty. P, however, I realize that it is entirely irrelevant whether the ex is happy, because I am happy. But even so, here is a list of reasons why I still have NOT deleted the ex from my friends list:

1) I have approved hundreds of friend requests from people in my social circles, but with whom I have not had any interaction. They may just be current members of the political party I joined when I was in law school, or are new sorority sisters, or were batchmates of mine from St. Scho High School. Based on the premise that social interaction is really not necessary to establish Facebook-friends status, therefore it is perfectly acceptable that my ex, with whom I do not communicate anymore, still remain in my list of friends; and

2) I do not want to look bitter when I delete him. Simple as that.

On the other hand:

1) There is still a distinct possibility that I will, at some point in the future, actually interact with those "friends" from my social circles, thereby converting our on-paper friendship to actual friendship. On the other hand, I love, respect and cherish Atty. P too much that I will not allow any room in my life for the ex; hence, any chance for future interaction with the latter is virtually zero; and

2) Who cares?

WHEREFORE, it is hereby resolved that this Honorable Court issue a judgment DELETING MR. EX from Fourth Eye's Facebook friends list. Judgment is immediately executory.

Bow.

                Society’s obsession with flawless beauty for women is severely overrated.

 

That bitter observation being said, let me tell you about how my many scars tell colorful stories and how they have helped me build character.

 

            Alam nyo yung commercial not so long ago on multivitamins? May batang tinutukso na lampayatot.  Well… ganun ako, except that HINDI ako payatot. (Side note lang. Kung lumaki ka sa 80s or 90s alam mo yung chant na, “girl, boy, bakla, tomboy, butiki, baboy.” Yung kapatid ko parati yung butiki. Ako yung baboy.)

 

            Anyway, isa akong lampa.

 

            Bata pa lang ako narealize ko na ito. Kaya kong magsprint, pero tiyak na susubsob ako sa humps, o kaya sa gate ng kapitbahay.  Kaya kong umakyat ng bubong para kunin yung bolang na-itsa papunta dun, pero magagasgasan muna ko sa alulod. Kaya kong mag-bike hanggang sa kabilang village, pero dudugo muna yung binti ko dahil nasabit sa pedal. 

 

            Kaya madami akong peklat at pekas sa binti, sa siko, at sa kung anu-ano pang parte ng katawan.  Kinailangan pa ng nanay kong bumili ng sebo de macho para mabawasan ang mga “bentsingko” ko.

 

            Nung 6 years old ako, may birthday party yung kapitbahay namin. Ang tatay kong pilyo, pinepressure ba naman akong mag-uwi ng pagkain galing sa party. Hindi daw niya kami papayagan mag-attend kung hindi kami magpropromise na uuwian siya ng spaghetti, lumpia, at cake.  Syempre ngayon alam kong nagloloko lang siya dahil paborito niya talagang asarin, biruin at paiyakin ang mga anak niya (hanggang ngayon, actually).  Pero noon, hindi ko ma-take na pinipilit ako ng sarili kong amang mag-astang patay gutom sa birthday party ng kapitbahay namin! Mahiyaing bata pa naman ako. At alam kong may kakapalan ng mukhang involved dun sa pinapagawa niya sa akin.

 

            So hindi ako pumayag. I put my 6-year old foot down.  Sabi ko, ayoko nga, dyahe!  Sabi nya, o sige, bilhan mo na lang ako ng isang litrong Coke sa sari-sari store.

 

            Sabi ko, o siya siya, para manahimik ka na! So I stomped off to the nearest neighborhood sari-sari store na may dala-dalang bote ng Coke para hindi na magbayad ng deposit.  Malamang ay umuusok pa ang tenga ko nun sa galit kasi natapilok ako, nabasag ang bote, at dumanak ang dugo.  Sa lakas ng ngawa ko, kumaripas ng takbo ang nanay ko, dinampot ako at kinarga paloob ng bahay. Ayun, may sugat ako sa kaliwang siko.  Pinasukan pala ito ng bubog ngunit anim na buwan pa bago na-detect. By that time, nagtravel na ang bubog kaya may isa pa kong peklat one inch away from the original sugat kung saan nakuha finally ang bubog.

 

            Kahit sa pagtanda ko, hindi ko na na-outgrow itong kalampahang ito. Madalas akong mahulog sa hagdan, matapilok sa kalsada, madulas pag umuulan, kamuntik nang sumubsob sa puno… Minsan may sugat, minsan wala.   Dahil nagkaroon na ko ng kaunting health consciousness, nagwawalking ako kasama ang tatay ko every now and then. Sa isang oras at kulang kulang apat na kilometrong nilalakad namin, mga apat o limang beses lang naman akong natatapilok at isa o dalawang beses na kamuntik nang mabubundol ng scooter. Nung isang buwan nga lang, sumalumpak ako sa gitna ng Makati on our way back to the office after lunch.

 

            But wait there’s more. Hindi lang naman kalampahan ang puno’t dulo ng aking mga scars. 

 

            Noong 24 years old ako, I broke my promise to myself never to have chicken pox. Noong unang dalawang araw, hindi ko pa alam na bulutong na pala yun. Akala ko pimples lang yung tumutubo sa mukha ko. So mega kuskos naman ako habang naghihilamos. Putik, bawal pala kamutin ang bulutong! Kaya ayan, mayroon na akong pseudo-cleft chin sa mukha.

 

            Habang nagbabar review naman, madalas kong isinasandal ang kanang braso sa edge ng lamesa habang nag-aaral. E siguro nabubukbok na yung kahoy at nairita ang balat ko. So nagkaroon ako ng peklat na perpetually mukhang pasa.

 

            OO nga pala, tinanggalan na rin ako ng appendix at gallbladder.  In the middle of surgery, at siguro dahil sa tindi ng pagmumura ng doktor ko (shocked na shocked siya sa “internal state of affairs” ko), nagising ko. Hindi ko malilimutan ang experience na yun dahil:

 

1.       Nakakarinig ako ng tumatalsik na dugo (don’t ask me the details; basta yun ang naiimagine kong naririnig ko);

2.       Puro “punyeta” lang ang nasasabi ng doktor kong sosyal; at

3.       Ikaw ba naman magising while you’re sliced in the middle, makakalimutan mo pa ba ang moment na yun?

 

All told, bagama’t masaklap ang pagkakakuha ko ng aking mga peklat, wala naman akong pinagsisihan.  Una, may pang-emotional blackmail ako sa tatay ko.  Pangalawa, nag-enjoy pa rin ako sa kabataan ko.  Hindi naman ako pinagbawalang maglaro. Parati nga lang may stock ng band-aid, betadine, agua oxinada at sebo de macho sa bahay namin. 

 

Minsan, source of bonding din ang kalampahan ko.  Dahil hindi kami matigil sa kakatawa ng friends ko matapos kong “sumalumpak” sa Makati in broad daylight.  And, on the bright side, nasagip ko naman ang Jollibee sundae na hawak hawak ko nung mga panahong iyon.

 

Tsaka, at least hindi ko na kailangan i-quarantine ang future kids ko pag nagka-bulutong sila.  Pwede ko na silang alagaan.  Mayroon na rin akong semi-kinda-sorta cleft chin na pinalalagay lang ng iba dyan.  Wala na rin akong appendix na kailangan kong alalahanin.

           

            Hayup sa rationalizing, diba? 

It's a sunny Sunday and I'm holed up in the office. No, I'm not a workaholic. I just have the attention span of a gnat, which is a very unfortunate predicament for someone who's professed to write pleadings and memos for the rest of her career. And so my workday has to start at 8:30 am and end at midnight, just so I can get some work done.

I have no complaints, though. In between those 15 or so hours are quality chitchat moments, coffee breaks, meals eaten with the requisite amount of chewing, and CNN.com and People.com viewing.

Too bad that our previous partial entitlement (durinf non-office hours) to networking sites has recently been revoked, for reasons I will not anymore disclose. LiveJournal, aside from my email, is the only thing I can access. And so I've decided to update it, which I have ignored over the past several months in favor of Facebook.

Here's my two cents on "current events."

I am so happy Kris Allen won American Idol. No, I am not a bigot. I do like Adam Lambert, especially in the final episode, where he graciously accepted defeat. Sexuality, or religion, really has nothing to do with it. Thus, it extremely irks me that a lot of Americans are complaining that the homophobes, the conservatives, and teenage girls won AI for Kris.

First of all, I really believe that if it were true that sexuality played a big factor in voting decisions, the gay people, which probably outnumber the homophobic male population (somehow, homophobic and female don't really go together), would have been more likely to tumble over themselves voting for Adam than the latter group of people even making an effort to help out Kris. Homophobes are simply not zealous enough to rush to the phones. Especially not for another good-looking guy.

As regards the teenage girls, who cares if most of Kris' votes came from them? Aren't they the demographic that AI wishes to attract, anyway? I really hate it when people said that Adam should have won because he had more talent. Hello, people? AI was less about talent than about popularity! If it were, then why did they even bother allowing the Americans to vote? They should have just based it on the judges' decisions.

And it's not as if Kris wasn't talented. He could play instruments, for God's sake. Speaking as a person who could only play "Doe, a deer, a female deer" on my piano-pencil case, that makes all the difference.

Moving on to more exciting matters... let me talk about Hayden Kho and his ubiquitous sex videos.

I really don't care that it probably violated a number of laws, or that Katrina Halili has become the new face of feminism.

All that matters to me is that is there anyone out there more narcissistic than Hayden??? Goodness! He couldn't stop parading his ass before the camera! He could barely take his eyes away from the image of himself in the mirror during his Careless Whisper concert. And right before he and Maricar did it, he checked his hair a few times in what I presume to be a mirror on the left side of the bed.

Ladies who ever had sex with Hayden Kho, I pity you not because he took hidden videos of your sessions, but because he did it loving his body more than he loved yours.



 

Bakit ba tuwing Semana Santa ay nagcocontest ang Channel 2 at Channel 7 para sa pinakamaraming luhang maiiyak ang kani-kanilang mga manonood?

 

Dahil ba panahon ito ng reflections at dapat tayong magmuni-muni at magnilay-nilay? Dahil ba dapat rin tayong makiluksa sa pagkamatay ni Lord? Or dahil ba nagbabakasyon lang kasi sa Bora at Macau ang mga artista nila't hindi nakapag-taping at makapag-live show?

 

Noong Maundy Thursday, dahil katulad ni Shaina na hindi ako nakapagplano ng kahit anong lakad dahil sa kakahintay sa Bar results (wag mong isipin, Byosh, na willing akong ibalik ang "Attorney" ko. Akin na 'to, akin!), nanood ako ng Magkapatid. Shet, man, naiyak ako kay Juday at Ate Shawie. Of course, malamang ito ay sa kadahilanang malaki akong Sharonian. Pero nakakaloka, damang dama ko ang paghihinagpis ng inang kailangang ilibing ang anak niya bago sa kanya. Actually, skinip ko na nga yung part nung alam kong mamamatay na si Justin; nanood muna ko ng Disney Channel.

 

Anyway, ang favorite part ko ay yung bwisit na bwisit na si Boyet De Leon kay Ate Shawie dahil nabaliw na nga ang lola mo sa pagkawala ng unio hijo niya. Sabi niya kay Cita (character ni Ate Shawie na high-risk ang pregnancy habang nagdadalang-tao kay Justin) na noong sinabihan siya ng doktor na maaaring mawala ang isa sa mag-ina niya, ang sagot niya sa doktor, "Dok, hindi ko kayang mawala ang asawa ko. Kaya kong mabuhay nang walang anak, ng walang pera. Pero hindi ko kayang mabuhay nang wala ang asawa ko."

 

Holy Week Lesson One? Pumili ka ng asawang mas mamahalin mo kaysa sa mga magiging anak niyo. At paano ko naisip na ito ang moral ng istoryang ito? Wala lang... ang gwapo pa rin kasi ni Boyet kahit nagkaka-edad na siya.

 

So anyway, gabi na ng Maundy Thursday. Ano na ang next na pinanood ko? MMK, ano pa ba? Ang kwento ay sa pagitan ni Joross at ni Roxanne na magkababata. Tinawag ng Diyos si Joross kaya't pumasok siya sa seminaryo. Medyo heartbroken si Roxanne pero supportive pa rin, syempre (may bida bang atrabida't mahadera?). Sa kabila ng lahat, nagsulatan ang magkaibigan. Nagka-boyfriend na at lahat si Roxanne, pen pals pa rin ang dalawa. Nung nagpunta si Roxanne sa Saudi para magtrabaho, bigla siyang dinapuan ng misteryosong sakit. Walang nakaalam, lalo na kaming mga viewers, kung ano itong dumapo kay Roxanne. Basta's nagising na lang siya isang araw na paralyzed ang kaliwang bahagi ng katawan at... (drum roll please...) DULING.

 

Yes, duling. To my med friends, kindly enlighten me kung ano itong sakit na ito. Anyway, ang nakaka-inspire na twist of fate ay noong nakipagdeal si Roxanne kay Lord na pagalingin lamang siya at iaalay niya ang sarili sa Panginoon ay gumaling nga siya!!! But before we go to that, rewind rewind muna. Syempre umuwi muna siya sa Pinas. Ito namang si Joross, na-realize na ang isinisigaw ng puso niya ay si Roxanne. Kaya ayun, tinalikuran ang pagpapari at nagprofess ng undying love kay Roxanne, na noong mga panahon na yun ay nasa wheelchair pa.

 

Fast forward to the miraculous recovery. Sa isang panaginip, pinaalalahanan si Roxanne na may panata siya kay Lord. So ayun, goodbye Joross.

 

Holy Week Lesson Two? Don't make promises; baka mapasubo ka.

 

Noong Black Saturday, napagdesisyunan kong tama na ang mga luha kaya't nanood na lang ako ng Andrew E movie. Di ko naabutan ang title e, pero ito yung gumawa sila nina Raffy Rodriguez, Dale Villar, Patrick Guzman, at Nino Muhlach ng sabong panlaba, at kapartner nila mga beaty queens katulad ni Charlene Gonzales at Dindi Gallardo (Lesser known beauty queens na yung iba at hindi na ko nangahas na i-google pa itong sine na ito para lang mas credible itong entry na ito. So kung namamangha kayo na alam ko pa ang ibang mga tao sa movie na ito, yes, my friends, BADUY talaga ako).

 

Anyway, lahat na ng ka-slapstickan sa mundong ibabaw ay nasa pelikulang ito, I tell you. May negosyo kasi ang mga boys na barber shop. One day, may mga hoodlum na pumasok at nagpa-ahit at nagpa-pedicure sa kanila.

 

Upo naman ang isa upang ahitan. Sa talim ng labahita, aksidenteng naputol ni Nino Muhlach ang tainga ng isang hoodlum. Sa takot na siya ay mapahamak, kumuha siya ng tainga ng nilitsong baboy (na hindi ko alam kung paano nakapasok sa barber shop na iyon) at idinikit sa ulo ng hoodlum.

 

Ang hoodlum naman na sine-servicean ni Andrew E, aksidente nitong nakalbo! At dahil excellent ang storytelling at editing ng pelikulang ito, let me tell you kung papaano.

 

Tagasagot kasi ng telepono si Dale Villar. May mga nang-goo-goodtime sa kanya sa telepono. May tumawag na nagsabing, "Hello? Tumatakbo ba metro niyo ng tubig?" Sagot naman niya, "Sandali! Titingnan ko." At noong iniwan ang telepono, nasagi niya ang isang garapon ng Elmer's glue na nakahandusay lang sa sahig . Sa mga panahong iyon, natapilok itong si Andrew E at nailapat ang kamay sa natapong Elmer's Glue. (o diba, sabi ko sa inyo excellent ang depiction ng flow of events dito e!). O syempre, pag hawak sa ulo ng hoodlum, at paghila ng kamay, sumama ang buhok ng hoodlum sa bumbunan! Siguro itong Elmer's Glue na ito ay yung fast-drying kind...

 

Hindi ko na tinapos ang pelikulang ito kasi natauhan na ko noong mga panahon na iyon at palabas ulit ang Mr. Bean's Holiday sa HBO... Hello? Syempre yun ang mas gusto kong panoorin. First world ang slapstick nun e.

 

Anyway, Holy Week Lesson Three? Huwag mag-iwan ng garapon ng Elmer's Glue na nakabalandra lang sa tabi tabi.

 

Finally, to cap off my extremely reflective Holy Week, nanood ako kanina ng Narito ang Puso Ko. Ito yung pelikula ni Lorna T at Gabby Concepcion kung saan ang lovechild nilang si Carlo (played by Alfred from Ang TV) ay napatay ni Mark Gil nung siya ay nakikipagbarilan kay Rez Cortez. So basically, ang kwento ay tungkol sa laban nila para sa hustisya. Members of the cast include Amy Austria, ang asawa ni Mark Gil, Paolo Contis, anak ni Mark at Amy, at Nanette Medved, kinakasama ni Gabby.

 

Anyway, happy ending naman ito kahit na depressing at madugo ang kwento. Syempre, pangit ang sistema ng hustisya sa Pilipinas, and I suppose social awareness ang silbi ng pelikulang ito, higit sa kung ano pa man. Sa kabila kasi ng acquittal ni Mark, napatay naman siya ni  Lorna T sa pamamaraan kung paano napatay ang anak nito: sa pagsasagasa gamit ang kotseng pawis steering pa so saludo ako sa kanya! Ngunit bago pa yun ay hiniwalayan muna ni Amy si Mark noong malaman ang buong katotohanan. At nagkabalikan si Lorna T at si Gabby dahil possessive itong si Nanette.

 

Holy Week Lesson Four:  Ang mga kulot talaga, salot! Ito ay natanto ko noong ma-observe na si Lorna T at Amy ay parehong unat ang buhok at naka-istyle sa uso noong mga panahong iyon (read: short bob), habang si Nanette ay wild ang buhok! Kasing wild ng bibig niyang sinakop na ang kalahati ng kanyang mukha (which I conveniently ignored while I cheered her on in Darna).

 

Anyway, kung natapos niyo itong basahin, congrats! Hari nawa'y magamit niyo ang Holy Week Lessons in your daily life.

 

Have a blessed Easter!!!!

These "candid" pictures are of my awesome (coughcough) brother, Jaj.

(Disclaimer: the products featured in this entry did not pay the author to advertise the same)

Style No. 1: THE CLEAR CRUSADE (aka Shet-ang-kati-ng-anit-ko move).




Style No. 2: THE TROCYD ENDORSEMENT (aka Shet-may-fungi-ako-sa-pwet technique).




Style No. 3: THE MOTILIUM MOVEMENT (aka Shet-may-dyspepsia-ako)




Style No. 4: THE TINACTIN PROMOTION (aka Shet-may-alipunga-ako)




Style No. 5: THE BAYGON CAMPAIGN (aka Shet-may-ipis-sa-dingding).




And finally...

Style No. 6: THE REXONA WON'T LET YOU DOWN COMMERCIAL (aka Shet-ang-bango-ng-kilikili-ko)



Contribution nya daw ito to society.

Happy new year from my family to yours!!!!!!!!!!!!=)

On Anthony Taberna's (*heart fluttering*) segment on Umagang Kay Ganda, Loren Legarda was interviewed via phonepatch. The issue: Whether or not the Senator will run for President under the ticket to be endorsed by Erap. The answer: Wala pa pong formal or official offer from President Estrada. Kami naman po ay matalik na magkaibigan at parati naman po kaming nag-uusap...

Wasn't it just 8 years ago when Loren was part of the Senate that tried the impeachment raps against Erap? Wasn't it just 8 years ago when the refusal to open the controversial envelope led to the dramatic shedding of tears by Loren, which ultimately spawned Edsa Dos?

Well, of course this shouldn't come as a surprise, considering that Loren was running mate to FPJ, Erap's long-time friend. Little did we know, however, that with Loren's bid to succeed FPJ as the country's President, in the eventuality of his death, came also her commitment to succeed him as Erap's best friend.

Anak ng tipaklong. May pa-cry cry ka pa noon.

I pulled up into a parking space in Market Market.  Saw a security guard and asked where Starbucks is.

"San po ba? Sa Market Market o sa Serendra?"

Lemme see... ratty shirt, ratty capris, hair in a tight pony, no color in my cheeks.  Oh, and add several pounds that crept up during my 5-month sedentary lifestyle (parang creeping offer).

"Market Market, Kuya."

...And watch Mamma Mia! before the bar!

Yes, I know, the songs aren't "cool." They're not by some indie band who used to play in some hole-in-the-wall pub in rural Ireland (or some other "cool" place).

Yes, I know, there are no bad-ass superheroes experiencing some deep existential problem, or former douchebags with newly-discovered kung fu or bullet-bending talents.

The cinematography ain't that great, and the script leaves much to be desired.

But it'll give you an honest-to-goodness natural high. From beginning to end, you won't stop smiling. You'll chuckle, you'll guffaw, you'll shout out with laughter.

You'll probably shed a tear or two.

Best of all, you'll see Pierce Brosnan in psychedelic tights!

So go out, have fun, and schedule your panic attacks for next month!

A few days ago, Purefoods played against Talk 'N Text.  Hot heads led to ball-throwing and kicking.  While Leather, Talk 'N Text's black import, had his back turned, in came James Yap, driving a kick to the back of Leather's thighs.  He turned around and was about to get back at Yap, but the latter was faster.  

At running like Hades himself was after him, that is.

In case you haven't seen it, fast forward this link to 1:40:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TSBw0cT0tMQ

TV Patrol later on interviewed Yap, who said that he ran away because he realized that what he did was "parang mali."

Yeah right, you coward.

You scurried away because your face was about to get beaten to a bloody pulp.  You were brave when you were up against the dude's defenseless thighs.  But faced with his face, you saw your life flash before your very eyes.

You've done it before.  Sure, it was easy cheating on your wife.  But when the truth was out, you couldn't even face the media and give an interview.

(Wow, I'm so affected. )

(Back to Succession)